Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Worry wart.

As I sit here anticipating the time to go pick up Jacob from the bus and hear about his first day back at school, my mind races. Every which way. I've come to the conclusion that I worry. WAY too much.

I worry about being a good mother. When I was 19, my life changed forever and I became the mom of a beautiful, premature little boy. As the years went by, the challenges changed but my encompassing desire to be a GOOD mom to this precious soul never have. He's my only child, thus, I have no clue what I'm doing most days... I've never done this before and all I can do is go on common sense (or my brand of it anyways) alone. Keeping an open mind, schooling him on the best classic rock and showing him to find the humor in day to day life are lessons I've made sure he learned - they got me through many tough/awkward phases in my life. With all my faults and bad habits, I PRAY he turns out happy, healthy and thinks back on his childhood with fond memories. This is my biggest worry. Failing at being a good mom.

I worry about succeeding in my business. When I finished school and got laid off from my job, I thought to myself... "it's now or never". Shannon Grant Photography was born. The photography part of it comes with time, practice and education... it helps to have super patient, TOUGH as NAILS mentors who give it to you straight no matter your reaction. Which, believe me, was usually watery eyes and a feeling that I was hopeless... They never gave up on me and would be damned if I gave up on myself. The part that is worrisome to me is the business side. I am not a good saleswoman, I freeze up around strangers and I have a tendency to say things like, "sweet" & "awesome". I worry that the first year of business was too slow and I'm going to join the ranks of failed small businesses. Again, with the failure...

Other things I worry about:

1. Home invasions. I watch tons of crime TV... irrational, yes. I blame my overactive imagination.
2. Driving by semi trucks on the highway. I SWEAR they veer closer to you as you pass.
3. Natural disasters.
4. Losing loved ones.

This list is incomplete... there are many, many more. If I'm not worried about one, it's another. If it's not one, it's 2 or 3 at once. For such a laid back person... I carry a lot of worry inside...

How do I stop worrying about these things so I can focus on the positive?? Meditation... counseling? Is there something wrong with me? haha! I feel like one person shouldn't worry this much.

Deep breaths... In. Out.


1 comment:

  1. Shannon, worry can be a good thing. At the same time, you cannot let it occupy your mind to the extent that you cannot function properly. Sounds like that isn't happening to you. If you ever want to talk about it, give me a note or a call. I'm actually going to be a therapist someday.... and I am a very good listener :)